Four Funerals and a Wedding
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: What happens when Lumpy grants marriage licenses to three different couples at the same time? Certainly not the type of wedding I'd want to be invited to!


**My first non-crossover fan fic. Anyway, Lumpy the Minister is granting marriage licenses. I do ****not**** own Happy Tree Friends.**

Four Funerals and a Wedding

Three couples were waiting to get married. One couple was Flaky and Flippy. The second couple was Splendid and Toothy. And the third couple was Cuddles and Giggles **(in my next life I want to be Cuddles, because Giggles is so ****hot****!)**. The three couples had planned a triple wedding.

Lumpy shows up and says: "I'm sorry, but I marry one couple before I retire for the evening. My TV show starts in an hour."

The couples were shocked. Splendid spoke up.

"We did arrange for a triple wedding, didn't we?" said Splendid.

Lumpy shrugged. "Duh, what's a triple wedding?" he asked.

"When a minister or clergy marries three couples at the same time," said Giggles.

"Oh yeah," said Lumpy.

And so Lumpy performed the triple wedding. After the rings were exchanged, Lumpy said: "I now pronounce you all **four** husbands and **two** wives. You may now kiss the spouses who receive."

The couples were shocked. "What do you mean," asked Flippy.

"You all asked for a triple wedding, right?" said Lumpy.

The couples then realised what was going on.

"Lumpy! That is **polygamy**!" exclaimed Cuddles.

"So? Isn't it what you **wanted**?" asked Lumpy.

"No, **I** wanted to marry **Flippy**, **Toothy** wanted to marry **Splendid**, and **Giggles** wanted to marry **Cuddles**," said Flaky. "We can't have more than one spouse."

"Oh," said Lumpy, feeling embarrassed. "Well, I'll fix it tomorrow. I have to go. I'll miss my show."

The newly married polygamous couple glared at Lumpy as he ran down the aisle in order to avoid making a scene. Lumpy tried to pull open the door, but it wouldn't budge. Lumpy pulled as hard as he can, until his arms were ripped in half. Lumpy screamed as he flew through the air and landed in the wedding cake. And because Cub was being bold and was nibbling at the cake when Pop wasn't looking, he was cut in half by one of Lumpy's antlers. Blood spewed all over the cake.

Toothy walked up to the cake. He didn't seem to notice Cub's blood messing up the delicious icing. "Oh well, cake anyone?" he asked, a little disappointed about the wedding.

Flippy saw the blood. He resisted the urge to flip out. He failed.

Toothy took out a knife to cut the unnoticeably ruined cake. Suddenly, he felt a much sharper knife getting impaled throw his head. Toothy died and collapsed onto the floor.

Splendid gasped. He caught Flippy slowly removing the knife from his deceased husband's body. He rushed up to Flippy and held him against the wall. "WHAT DA FUCK DID YA DO TO MY HUSBAND, YA MENTALLY HANDYCAPPED MUTHAFUCKA?" Splendid bellowed, hysterically.

Flippy punched Splendid in the face, knocking the blue squirrel onto the wedding cake. Although Splendid had super powers, he suffocated under the pressure of the needlessly massive wedding cake (**especially** if it has been ruined by Cub's blood). Splendid is dead.

Cuddles rushed up to the scene to intervene, but Flippy was too quick. Cuddles screamed in pain and agony as Flippy forced his wedding ring off his middle finger, taking the skin and fur with it. Next, Flippy peeled off the rest of Cuddles' skin. Cuddles died as a result of massive blood loss.

Flaky was horrified. Giggles whispered into Flaky's ear: "Let's get the hell outta here!"

And so the two wives scurried out of the building to escape their deranged husband. They looked behind then. A horrible sight met their eyes as the building went up in flames. Flippy must have thrown a grenade. Giggles and Flaky continued running as fast and as far away from the building as possible.

"As soon as Cuddles is back to life, him and I are marrying in a **church**!" said Giggles.

"Well, I **certainly** don't feel like remarrying after all this," said Flaky, trying her very best not to throw up, "e**specially** to Flippy."

After a while, the girls decided that they'll go to Massachusetts instead and marry each other there. And so they did, and they lived happily ever after with their donor-conceived children (and please don't tell them that Disco Bear's the father whatever you do).

The end.

**I feel bad that the triple wedding is off, but you know what they say: with every break-up comes a happy ending. I've decided that I ****won't**** be Cuddles in my next life now that he died a horrible death and that Giggles married someone else. Send reviews if you enjoyed the wedding.**


End file.
